I want a mustache, dammit!!! (perfectlylegal) wrote in brutally_wasted,
I want a mustache, dammit!!!
perfectlylegal
brutally_wasted

My mom has great drunk stories too....

My ex boyfriend James and I had just started going out at the time and Christmas was coming near. He had mentioned to me several times that he would like to come over to my house for Christmas Eve since he had not gotten the chance to spend any time with my family yet. I was a little nervous about this because my family has a Christmas party every year and my relatives tend to get quite wasted. I was afraid of what could happen, but he assured me that there was nothing my family could do that would embarrass him..

Little did he know....

My mom never drinks, but for some reason she had decided she wanted to partake in the drunken Christmas bash. After downing almost a whole bottle of wine by herself and nearly half a bottle of Jagermeister by herself, my mom was way past lit. James met my mom for the first time as she was grabbing the phone from my sister to talk to my sister's boyfriend.

"Grady Paul...you're such a good looking boy. You really are. If I were your age I would have such a crush on you." She slurred into the phone. Tiffany was cracking up at her and held out a cassette recorder so that she could have the evidence of our mom's drunken confession on tape. James just kind of looked at me like...woah your mom is drunk. I wanted to hide.

But no..it got worse.

Mom decided to let everyone know how much she loved them and how my dad hated her (just the alcohol talking) when she went downstairs. She kept crying and saying "Your dad hates me. He always has." She told me she loved the way the house was decorated and that she loved our Christmas tree. She decided she loves the Xmas tree so much that she gives it a hug. The hug continues longer until she is practically climbing up the tree. Before we realized it, the tree came tumbling down into the floor. My dad rushed over to help, and suggested to my mom that maybe she should lie down. This pissed my mom off even more.

She had disappeared for a little while and we assumed she went to bed, but then we heard firecrackers going off outside. My mom was standing outside in the snow, barefoot, letting off fireworks. We all rushed out to see what the hell was going on, and we got out there just in time to see my mom burn her hand up pretty badly while trying to light the fireworks. She started crying and my dad went out to see if everything was ok, but this just upset her more. She took off running down the street.

"Let her go." My dad said. "She'll be back eventually."
"But it's cold and she is barefoot." I said to him.
"That just means she will be back even sooner than you'd think."

But after an hour had passed and she still wasn't back, my dad grabbed his flashlight and went in search of my mom. Where did he find her?

Oh man...I'm sort of embarrassed even saying this...

He found her hiding underneath a trailer almost a mile from where we lived. She told him she planned on staying there forever.

She had also sprained her ankle so he had to carry her home.

So yeah....Merry White Trash Christmas.

Needless to say, it wasn't the best first impression my parents ever made on a boyfriend.
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